York's Voice of Reason

Hello blogfans. As you are a very widely dispersed group of people, you may or may not be avid listeners of BBC Radio York. You shoud be. If you tune in to the morning and lunchtime shows you would have a very good chance of hearing my dulcet tones and erudite opinions and comments. I have been a consistent and alarmingly regular contributor for some time now but don't like to boast, so haven't widely made it known. Until now....
As I'm in the shop most of the time I am an easy mark for the BBC's roving reporter. All he has to do is turn up, corner me behind the desk and thrust the mike under my nose, what follows is pure radio gold. So far I have held forth on subjects as diverse as customer service from high street banks, tourism in York, Cookery and the place of metrosexuality in today's society....
It is only recently that I have been roped into to take part in an "outside broadcast". As you can see I had to play air guitar in a band to mark the occasion of the "World Air Guitar" championships in Finland. As you can see I'm not quite up there with this guy in terms of enthusiasm, and after my harrowing experience in front of the masses in York the other day I don't think I'll be trying!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9r10UbGC6RI

Also see the link to the BBC York Website:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/northyorkshire/content/image_galleries/radio_york_rogues_gallery.shtml?5

-Right I'm off, I've got to go and give my tuppence worth on reality TV!

Time to admit defeat

When those of you who have been lucky enough to know me for most of my life conjure an image of me in your mind, who do you see?
Do you see the fresh faced youngster, delighted to have been selected for his primary schools Under 9 side a year early?(back right)


If you met me in Liverpool you may remember a different chap. A chap who loved living in Halls of residence, a man who honestly believed that Supper was served in the Hall Dining Room at 5pm, so that you could have a second feed at 9. The 3 years took their toll, and it was here that I met George Rippon:


George is hidden, 2nd in from the right on this image.
Losing my hair had never crossed my mind, I had a mane equal to that of the mighty Simba, however as I recall, my very first convsersation with George went along these lines:

DEM: "You're a big lad. Do you work out?"
GR: "A little. I used to have hair like yours. You're looking at the future."

Nothing to worry about. Just because he was bald didn't mean that he had some kind of special gift, enabling him to predict new members to the Brotherhood of Baldies.

Those of you who have come to know me lately perhaps didn't feel it appropriate to mention that I was falling prey to the combover.
 

And so George had been right 6 years ago.
Yesterday I did 2 things.
1) I acquired a new 'hair hero'


2) I cut my hair. Grade 3 all over.

Time to admit defeat.

So George and Igor, you can both stop sending me invitations to the Belgravia Clinic, and news cuttings about the latest medicines uncovered in the rain forest.

El Sluge
X

Celebdaq!

Those of you who dabble in the financial markets may also be aware of "Celebdaq" where punters can buy celebrities and watch their stock rise and fall depending on the number of column inches and photographic coverage that their choices attract. No doubt some of you have invested heavily in Dom and I at Upper 10 and will
have been rubbing your hands together with glee as your stocks soared this last week. Foget Lewis Hamilton's second win, Beckham's Spanish Championship and Beefy's Knighthood (I only read the sports pages- don't know what else has been happening) this week has been all about OK Magazine's....Er... I mean Yorkshire Living's Glossy photographic spread of Upper 10's finest!
Say Cheese...... Tuck in!

Car-Wars!

Blogfans! Damien here, this blog centres around my unfortunate brother and he should really be writing it,but he can't see past the constant stream of tears flowing down his (worryingly) hirsuite cheeks. No he's not crying because he can't get anywhere near my powerball record (an impressive 12,440) or because he is insanely jealous that another man was wearing a pink headband at football the other night. It is due entirely to the crushing run of bad luck that he and Upper 10 global corps have had to endure of late with regard to the company fleet.

As has already been reported on these pages, the Turbo blew up a few weeks ago at great expense and inconvenience to all concerned. This was duly replaced and the car put back on the road. Then within a week the cam-belt went. This apparently can lead to a car being written-off, so obviously concern all round as more inconvenience and possibly eye-watering expense seemed sure to ensue. Thankfully the local garage had a spare, matching engine lying around- ripe for cannibalisation. The car was saved, the cost was bearable- hoorah!
Within 24 hrs a puncture happened, and the jack broke mid-repair. The tyre was sorted and within another 48 hrs the Turbo had gone-AGAIN.

It was a reconditioned Turbo and under warranty, so was refunded and a replacement sent. An hour ago we got a call, they are out of stock- don't know when they'll next be in.

All very demoralising.

With some funny results however:

- We both had to go to a show loaded with stock in a tiny borrowed Corsa. We turned a few heads arriving at a country mansion, driving over their moat (yes moat) to park alongside all the spacious transit vans, with Framed pictures of Jonny Wilkinson poking out of the sunroof!

- Dom had to buy a foot-pump, for the flat tyre. So we were also able to use it for my bike tyres and our indoor football.

- Dom has now used all his free call-outs with the AA, so if he breaks down again he will have to push the car to a garage (hope I'm not with him when that happens).

- You can drive really really far on a full tank in a Corsa. So if th ecar stays off the road for 132 years and we drive the Corsa 3, 536 miles a week for the duration of that time, we'll actually save 54 quid on petrol!

Powerball

So the Big Cat turned 124 last week (27 in human years), but couldn't celebrate as he normally would. He would normally see in his birthday lifting his body weight on two dumbells, however after over exerting himself a few months ago he is off games, so spent it curled up on the sofa:



But in order to cheer him up and put a spring back in his step, I bought him a powerball.

If you do not know what a powerball is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0v05iaYZC0

I'm not going to go on about it, but will post our PBs on here soon.

Also, there has been some debate recently about quite what is the Biggest Cat in the Jungle. Is it the Tiger, the Lion, is it the Liger, but no it is definitely the powerball wielding BIG CAT.

Sluge XX


 

Turbalicious

So what do you do when you let your girlfriend drive your car, and the next time you see it the entire oil supply of the Largeuna are on the floor?
The answer is to descend into a major sulk, whilst grumbling that "I'm sure it isn't your fault (it is). It could have happened if I was driving (definitely not). It will probably be very inexpensive to fix (it wasn't). "

So we waited for the nice man from the AA to turn up, but as it happened the AA had subcontracted to a local garage, who in turn had asked his mate to deal with it as he was having difficulty with a Ewe who was lambing.

I don't work for the AA, nor do I work for a garage in Malton, nor I am I the chap in Malton's mate, but if I was and I turned up to a situation where all of the oil had leaked out of the car, I am confident that my first suggestion would NOT have been to refill the oil tank ("Oh, you're out of oil pal")(1. Not pals 2. He was standing in said oil).

So after watching the oil drain through my French Beauty he suggested turning the engine on.

This, my mechanic informed me, dragged oil through my Air Conditioning sytem and front radiator. Two areas that do not benfit from the presence of lubricant.

Anyhow car got towed (I never get bored of sitting in the cab of an HGV) and it was fixed over a week later.

My car now has a new Turbo.



 


I'm off to check my Lubricant,

Sluge

This piccy is reference to my great pal FCB. He knows. It's just so soft.


PS Just read High Fidelity

Top 5 Take That Songs
1) Never Forget
2) Back for Good
3) Patience
4) A Million Love songs
5) Pray

We tend not to get out of bed for less than five grand

So this week saw the lads at Upper 10 produce their best poses for some new images for our spanking new website www.upper10.co.uk,

It went something like this, pout and stare, look to the distance...

Lets just say that one member of the board was much more adept than other..

Ok, more blogging later,

Ciao

Sluge

Jonny Wilkinson

So Jonny is back. Which we at Upper 10 are pleased about for a number if reasons:

1) We are massive rugby fans and so nothing pleases us more than a fantastic sportsman returning to fitness and form.

2) Right up to Jonny's return to the fray at HQ against the Auld Enemy, something had been eating away at him, and now I believe at least this demon has been laid to rest. That demon of course was that he had actually witnessed the greatest ever performance at Twickers, made by no other than the Big Cat. That's right blogfans, Jonny and the Big Cat made their Twickenham debuts together, shoulder to shoulder back in 1990. And that day the BigCat had fire running through his veins - Jonny could only admire. As you can see in this picture whilst Big Cat is behind the action, a certain JW has been trail blazed by him and his Mane:

But now he has finally surpased that performance, and the Big Cat has been dethroned.

3) Commercially JW is a great asset to U10, the 6 photo sequence of him dropping the winning goal at RWC 2003 remains an U10 topseller and since the beginnning of this 6 nations campaign, they have been running out of the shop. Check it out http://www.upper10.co.uk/products/Jonny_Wilkinson_World_Cup_Winning_Drop_Goal_6_Sequence_.htm

Here is another team shot with BC and JW down on the bottom left:

Ok Blog fans, see you later

Big Cat Goes Green!!

So yesterday saw an historic event take place in York. Having handed back the Impreza (estate- with spoiler) after the show season, I decided it was time to review my transportation apparatus. The principal reason for this was that I wanted to reduce my carbon paw-print. Of late I have been using the "bendy bus" which is the most futuristc and frustrating vehicle in existence:

- You can't speak to the driver ( he sits in a sealed-off cab)

- You have to pay a machine with a touch-screen that doesn't work.

- You have to have the exact change ( which leads to random trips to the co-op to buy chewing gum (handy for the Sluge's hallitosis) to break a tenner).

So all things considered i decided to go-green and get a bike. Halfords sorted me out with a sporty little number, and I duly got the add-ons: lock, lights and helmet (large obviously). I then took the bike back to HQ and chained it to a post outside. 20 minutes later I watched a youth surreptitiously stop by for a quick inspection- I was on the phone trying to seal an appointment with a customer so didn't want to hang up and go outside. I didn't get the appointment which was disappointing- but not as disappointing as going outside to find my front light (£18.99-cheers) had been lifted. I was not happy.

After closing up it was time for my inaugral journey, as i left i could be heard commenting, "Its all very well using a bike but i don't think a short journey like this will impact my fitness.." 20 minutes later i arrived home; quads burning, sweat literally dripping from my nose, panting and with the sorest of posteriors conceivable. This last pain was a surprise as i am particularly well upholstered in this region.

The good news was i had half an hour to rest before going off to play football! I think i volunteered for my spell in goal earlier than usual as my legs gave out quicker than ever. Luckily my heavily put-upon quads held out long enough to see me net a beauty and make a great diving save (low to the right at full stretch)- Showing all of my natural feline agility!

Back in the saddle this morning- every bit as sore! The day i make the journey without breaking sweat is the day i know i'm getting fitter.

Watch this space for my next update and a cycling- related joke to boot!

Harvie and Hudson Shirts- World Exclusive!

Another Week at Upper 10 and another new line of products. We are very proud to announce that Upper 10 is now the only stockist in the world other than Harvie and Hudson themselves to be stocking Harvie and Hudson's fantastic quality shirts. After blazing the trail for some time now with our own Bespoke shirts we were able to use our growing reputation to good effect and secure this fabulous opportunity to bring a famous name and quality product to York!

In our Opening promotion we are offering :

1 Shirt £49.99

2 Shirts £85

3 Shirts £115

So the bottom line is- Get along to 16 High Petergate and snap up 3 today!

Kristoff our ex- apprentice came up immediately to check them out after an "Old boys Jogging match" at his old convent school. He was pleased with his performance even though all eight of the current under 14 girls team beat him.

Also hello to the Sheriff- we do extra long sleeves on the Harvie and Hudson. The Sheriff really adds credibility to the old saying about the "long arm of the law!"

If Success Is Measured On Looking Good - Meet The New World Champions

Following on from Upper 10's successful sponsorship of the University of York Polo Team, we are very proud to have won the contract to become the lead sponsor of the Old Amplefordian Football Club. The team are currently operating on a semi - professional basis, but are hoping to secure promotion and full time contracts.

Whilst the team's winning streak has yet to start, they have already secured a number of FIFA approved individual awards. The include 'Gallic Attitude Of The Year', 'Best Nose for Goal', 'Tightest Merkin', 'Least likely to be invited to George Clooney's Martini Party', 'Roundest Head', and the team were delighted with a guest appearence from the 'Receeder of The Year'.

Thanks must also go to The PRA (Professional Referees Association) for supplying P Kennedy.

Upper 10 is proud to be associated with such a fine Club, under the guidance of Louis 'Don't tell me weightlifting and associated drug abuse can become addictive' Robertson.

Peace,

Sluge

Chrimbo!!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL!!

December is already marching on, and Dom and I have landed back at Upper 10 Towers for December. Many Thanks to Mum who looked after H.Q brilliantly while we were hammering the highways.

No rest for the wicked though, Retail doesn't stop (particularly at Christmas) and we are busy trying to get the diary filled up with shirt appointments for January. So those of you who need a new look for 2007 get booking!

The Slug is laying the trail in Middlesborough, Catterick and Goathland today so the mileometer isn't getting a rest. remember he's a very amenable Slug and can drop by your house or office with his tape and swatch book any time!

My Show season came to an end with 4 days in Kensington Town Hall. On leaving Yorkshire for my final sortie, i packed my bags and passport, leaving verdant, friendly Yorkshire for the concrete jungle and mean streets of the smoke. First stop Clapham, where i have a media- mogul friend who lives with another guy who works in London's equivalent of C.T.U (see jack Bauer 24). They are a lovely couple and live in a nice little studio in Clapham. The media mogul also happens to be a walking A-Z so he guided me into London flawlessly and accompanied me expertly at the events, lending his artistic eye to merchandising the stall. He had been able to put a couple of projects "on ice" to lend his support which was most welcome!

I was also able to meet up with Messrs Sparke and Marken as well as their lovely ladies- so in all it was an excellent and enjoyable trip socially as well as for greasing the wheels of Upper 10's Show based Industry.

I would like to thank all of the above for making my stay so enjoyable with the exception of Christopher Marken- for obvious reasons that it is not appropriate to go into now. Speaking of which, i heard the most hilarious tale of the year in the pub- for more details ask CJ Sparke.

Square Head and Sluge! Where Hast Thee Been?

Greetings,

So we have been busy, very busy. As you may or may not know, or care, we have been away on our Tour of the UK and Glasgow as part of the circuit of Charity Fair Association Events. In the past few weeks between us we have represented Upper 10 in (draw breath) Warwickshire, Mayfield, Monmouth, Oxfordishire, Braxted, Odiaham, Beaconsfield, Berkshire, Petergborough, Tunbridge Wells, Cirencester, Uttoxeter, Kelso, Salisury, Durham, Shaftesbuy, Gilling, Newcastle, Glasgow, Easingwold, Shrewsbury, Lincolnshire & Castle Howard!!

And between now and the 1st December we will be at Norwich, Petersfield, Dumfries,Erskine Bridge, Driffield, York, Shropshire, Alton, Wentworth GC, Kensington, Wincanton and Tollerton!!!

So that I hope goes some way to explain why it has been all quiet in Cyberspace!

There are many amusing anecdotes from our jouneys, not least when I ended up in a House of Prayer in Salisbury, purporting to be a B & B! The Third photo is my bedroom taken from the meeting room where hymns were being sung till 10.30pm.

Now the idea of us hitting the road may conjour up images of glamour and showbusiness, however the second photo shows just how glamourous live on the road is.

The Top phot is a picture I took of a couple who were 'selling' at a show next to me. This is not a good sales technique.

Thanks must also go to our hosts on our many trips, including the Wilders, The Chuffaloes, The Rt. On Terry Martino, and The Good Sherriff (apologies for the lowest consumption of Ale the Sherriff has ever seen).

Ok,
Peace out Chums,

XX

Sluge

Apprentice moves on; and moves up..........

So Kristoff is finally leaving us. Frankly the turnaround has been amazing, miraculous, phenomenal ......i could go on. When Kristoff came to us from the university of Chernobyl to experience our apprenticeship, the prospect of future gainful employment seemed slim. His unnatural affinity for yaks alone seemed to be an insurmounatble impediment. However, as with much else in Kristoff's life, we have been able to wean him off yak milk, and teach him how to survive without hourly contact with his beloved quadrupeds.

Kristoff has gone from being unruly, unkempt, unhygienic and slightly pungent; to being a true gentleman of the highest standing. All of the huge thanks for this transformation must go to UPPER 10, whose staff and apprenticeship scheme are 100% responsible for this metamorphosis.

Kristoff recently wowed interviewers (wearing an Upper 10 bespoke shirt), and secured a terriffic job with a top American Finnancial institution.

We just hope he remembers the enormous debt he owes UPPER 10 for the experience of our Apprenticeship Scheme when he is the CEO of his new Company!

Upper 10 Team Member AWOL

So Butthead is well and truly on her travels. Here is a picture of her on top of her camper at the foot of some large mound in NZ. Pretty jealous really.

Slug

The Large Feline has returned

Au Revoir mange tout,

BC has returned, avoiding the airline chaos and terrorist plotting, but before he departed he did have the time to fire over a few last photos from his pilgrimage to the US.
Much like the Catholic Pilgrims who devote weeks and months on their pilgrimage to the cathedral of Santiago de Compostela, taking in Burgos, Carrion de los Condes, Sahagun, Leon, Astorga and Lugo, the Big Cat's journey has taken him to Sam's Seafood, Pretzel World, KFC, McDonalds- but all of this was leading somewhere. Like the Pilgrims who receive their certificate, the 'Compostela'- from the Pilgrim's office in Santiago for walking over 200km on their journey- So too would the Big Cat be rewarded for his arduous trip.
In keeping with his homge to portions and convenience, his 'Compostela' was a value meal at Taco Bell.
The fortnight of toil had been worth it, the miles covered zig zagging the east coast of the USA, taking in Redbank, Philadelphia, Washington and finally New York culminated in a 'Big Bell 1/2 Lb Cheesy Bean Beef Combo', with a side of Nachos Bellgrande, some cheesy fiesta potatoes, a caramel apple empananda for pudding, washed down with a Big Gulp.

Good Work.

Slug

Pretzel

The Big Cat writes "So today i tackled a giant pretzel. I've always wondered what these would be like- a giant version of the brittle, crisp like ones we get - surely not! Anyway i kept up my end of the bargain perfectly when i ordered with a large diet coke (see the size of it) and a side of melted cheese 50c xtra! It was very large and not the nicest- its a very heavy, rich doughey- bready substance with a hint of the pretzel flavour i know from the minis. After a rew bites it was hard work in terms of mastication, but also because it was so heavy and the flavour rather flat and dull. At first a few dunks of the melted cheese and swigs of my coke got me through, and i thought i'll definitely finish this. But then as the going was getting tough i encountered the large salted area (you can see from the picture that the main density is in the middle part). these salt rocks, scattered on the pretzel like hundreds and thousands were each the size of meteors, or small moons. A mouthful of them set in train a gag reflex which made you want to down half your pop in a swig (approx 2 litres). This was too much, i soldiered on for another bite but i could actually imagine my arteries furring up and becoming blocked- I tapped out- there's no shame in that i don't think. Anyway an hour later i saw off a helping of lemon cajun chcken and rice without a flicker of doubt as Rachel and her dad had to leave theirs- so i'm back on track. We also sited our first Taco Bell today - the first mouthful gets nearer!!!!!!!!! "

Slug x

Day 2 and the BC finds his stride

Great news blogfans. The BigCat is back on form, demolishing all that the Hard Rock Cafe NJ had to offer. He didn't even break sweat!
Next stop Taco Bell.
Slug

Meal #1 and he is already struggling

Just a quick note to let you know that BC's eating odyssey has started slowly. I can report that he first meal was taken at a seafood restaurant where his clam chowder starter proved the undoing of him, so by the time he came to his seafood platter (with fries obv.) he could only manage half. Good to see he is not off his beer though.

X Slug X

BIG CAT STATESIDE

So, the Big Cat is currently Airborne on his way to NYC. He 'phoned me this morning quite worked up as he had just looked at a weather forecast. It is predicted to be 44degrees in New York this week, I'm not sure how he's going to cope. Cope with the heat and his culinary task, let me explain... He has basically decided that for the duration of his two week holiday he is (in Spurlock fashion) say YES to all offers of going large, adding cheese, extra meat in his burrito, syrup and ice cream on his pancakes, cheese on everything basically. He is hoping to put on two stone in the two weeks, though I'm not sure that he had taken perspiration into account, so he is going to have to work very hard.
This means that the Sluge is going to be manning the helm of the Upper 10, and fitting in shirt appointments in the evenings.